


as it sails on

by ohmyvalar



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: 5 Times, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-05
Updated: 2014-01-05
Packaged: 2018-01-07 15:27:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1121489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmyvalar/pseuds/ohmyvalar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Spock saw his captain on the observational deck. </p>
<p>Or, how Spock became the first to know about his captain and his CMO's relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	as it sails on

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to write a Mckirk fic where Spock isn't left out of their entire dynamic, so here it is!

1.

 

All was quiet on board of the USS Odyssey, save for the ever-present whirring of the starship's various engines. Spock was on the USS Odyssey with a group of cadets, accompanying them on board for their mandatory internship onboard a serving starship. It was not yet time for the Beta shift, where Spock would take his turn on duty, but the Commander could not sleep. As he lay in meditation in his assigned quarters, Spock decided that laying there further would only be an illogical waste of time. 

Spock had joined Starfleet because of an insatiable fascination with the universe. He had longed to learn about its vast expanses and life forms, and even though he knew that it was statically impossible for any one person to be able to do so in a single lifetime, he would be content to acquire knowledge about as much as he could. 

Even as Spock strode calmly through the halls of the sleeping quarters of the Odyssey crew, he had already formed a destination in his mind. 

The observational deck would be more quiet than the sleeping quarters, due to the sound-proofed automatic glass doors that was its sole entryway. Spock estimated that the atmosphere would make it at least 85.24 percent more likely for him to relax. 

However, approaching the deck, Spock could see through the class that it was not empty, even though it was already 23.00, an hour considered late. 

As the doors parted with the slightest of sounds, Spock saw that the form huddled in front of the full length glass was dressed in cadet reds. 

That was... Surprising. Spock had calculated the chances of the person on the observational deck being a crew member as opposed to a cadet, and the results had been vastly in favor of the much larger group of crew members. 

Besides, it seemed illogical for a cadet to stay up through the night just to spend the night on the observational deck. It had been a tiresome day, and Spock had already given the cadets their fair share of warning that the next day would be no less arduous. 

If the cadet had sought to find a more restful place to sleep -cadets were required to share a room with at least three others- he would have at least brought a blanket for warmth, wouldn't he? But Spock saw no sign of anything other than an apple held casually in one hand, half raised to the cadet's mouth but held still, almost unconsciously, as if he were too transfixed by the sight before him to do anything. 

Spock walked over to the cadet, his standard-issue footwear makes a soft sound as it touched the ground. 

Through the thin but durable and virtually unpenetratable glass, the nearby stars and even the very rare occasional comet or asteroid could be seen among the dark, silent atmosphere of space. It complemented the quiet of the observational deck well. 

The view, Spock admitted, was magnificent, and had the potential to arouse a awed feeling in him. 

Meanwhile, the cadet had turned his head, and Spock realized that it was Cadet James T. Kirk, the golden blond and charismatic cadet who was the light of the group of cadets he was leading. Or so the cadets seemed to think. 

Spock himself didn't agree on that particular point. While Cadet Kirk showed no signs of being reliant on his dead father, the renowned Starfleet hero George Kirk, for attention, Spock found him unnecessarily self-assured - even arrogant in his demeanor. 

Even aboard the starship, Spock had already seen the blue-eyed cadet express interest -or flirt, as was the human way of saying such things- in several people, not limiting to his fellow cadets. 

And yet some of these potential interests, Spock found, did not abruptly turn Cadet Kirk down, even though some of them were of definite higher rank than the cadet himself, and fraternization would result in a violation of the Starfleet codes. 

Frankly, Spock could not understand their reactions. While it was true that the cadet did not have an unpleasant appearance, he was a far cry from Nyota. Even the thought of the brown-eyed, black haired woman was enough to produce a warm, definitely illogical feeling in Spock's heart. 

No, the cadet in front of him definitely did not compare to Nyota at all. Those casual and at times even outrageous remarks Cadet Kirk tossed at almost anyone and everyone who crossed his path could not begin to compete with her beautiful smile and warm eyes. 

"Commander Spock?" Cadet Kirk asked, turning Spock's attention back to him. 

The cadet's eyes were alert, which meant that he had not been trying to sleep after all. Spock raised an eyebrow. "Cadet Kirk. The hour is late." 

Blue eyes blinked. "Yes... But I... Just couldn't sleep, I guess." They slipped into a comfortable silence, with the cadet and Spock both looking at the view. 

After a while, Cadet Kirk spoke up again. "All these years... Now that I'm finally here, I had to see this. I had to see..." He trailed off, voice strangely soft. It was not a tone Spock had ever heard him use before. 

Spock knew what he was saying, or was at least confident in his guess. Like almost every person in Starfleet, Spock had read up about the USS Kelvin, and the dead hero, George Kirk. He had not had the inclination thereafter to gossip or participate in any other illogical discussions of the incident, but he had known the facts regardless. 

George Kirk had lived half his life on a starship, as had his wife, Winona. Cadet Kirk had undoubtedly wanted to see for himself what exactly it was that had drawn them to it. 

Spock was taken unawares by the cadet's next statement. 

"And it's beautiful. They're even more beautiful up close." Cadet Kirk continued, his voice soft with what Spock recognized to be reverence. 

Ah. So the cadet had his own love for the vast expanses of space after all, and not just a residual curiosity from his parents' career. 

From his tone and lack of formal address, Spock was almost sure that the cadet had already forgotten his presence. He gave the impressive view and the starstruck cadet one last look, then turned back towards his quarters. 

He might not have found peace and quiet on the observational deck, but the exchange with Cadet Kirk had been surprisingly informative. Spock could use a new perspective. 

 

2.

 

The next time Spock saw him on an observational deck, "Cadet Kirk" had become "Captain", and sometimes even "Jim". 

The captain was giving the Tellarian delegates a tour of the ship. While the tour would usually have been carried out by a party of high-ranking linguists and engineers, the captain was giving a personal tour because of Starfleet's desire to secure a contract with the Tellarians. 

Besides the captain were the standard group of officers: a linguist stepping in to translate when necessary, Mr Scott often cutting in to explain the more complicated parts of the machinery and mechanisms and... Doctor McCoy was there as well, standing silently by his captain's side, frowning at the situation. 

Spock raised an eyebrow as he walked over to take his place by the captain. While the Sickbay was undoubtedly a key factor in the overall maintenance of a starship's crew, there was no reason for a doctor to be present on a tour, especially since the location in question was the observational deck. 

Spock found it unlikely that Doctor McCoy would volunteer to be part of a welcoming party. The CMO of the Enterprise was outstanding in all areas of his work, but having a cheerful personality was not one of his positive points. Spock did not find it concerning, because the doctor's attitude did not interfere with his patients' recovery rates. 

The doctor muttered something into the captain's ear, the latter then dismissing his comment with a smile. Ah. Spock remembered that the doctor had been close friends with the captain in their Academy years. The captain had probably persuaded his friend to accompany him on the tour. 

Spock watched silently as Doctor McCoy shook his head -more exasperation than frustration, Spock noted- and walked off quickly, ignoring the looks the Tellarians sent in the direction of his retreat. 

Dutifully, Spock stepped in to divert the Tellarians, taking over his captain's cut off monologue. The captain rolled his eyes in Spock's direction and gave him a grateful smile. Spock accepted his thanks, but couldn't help pondering over the look the blue-eyed man cast at Doctor McCoy's wake. 

Unlike the look the Tellarians had given the doctor, this one was more fond than curious or even offended. And there was something else... Something Spock saw sometimes in Nyota's eyes, when she kissed him goodbye for his shift, but it was always quickly steeled and she would be back to her professional self. It was something Spock greatly admired about her. 

When Spock looked again at his captain, the blond was blinking at him. "Spock? You looked lost there for a moment." He said, then immediately added, "Don't worry, you didn't reveal enough for the Tellarians to notice." 

Spock nodded, back to full attention. "I am sorry, Captain. I was... Distracted. It will not happen again." 

The captain looked worried. "If you're tired, Spock, I can take care of this by myself from here." He offered. 

Spock shook his head stiffly. "It's fine, Captain." 

The captain scanned his expression once more, looking concerned, then moved on. 

Spock followed behind, together with Mr Scott and the linguist. He scanned and ran through the entire route of the tour, and determined that he still had 30.5 minutes before he would have to step in for another explanation of the ship's functions. 

Spock knew that Captain Kirk and Doctor McCoy had been close in the Academy, and the doctor had even been with him the three times he had attempted the Kobayashi Maru. Doctor McCoy had acrophobia, Spock knew, so there had to be strong bonds between the doctor and his captain. 

But Spock had never questioned how deep those bonds were, he now considered what exactly they entailed. That emotion the captain had displayed when Doctor McCoy had left abruptly... 

It was only when Spock saw the captain touching the doctor's arm in Sickbay later on during the tour that he finally recognized the emotion. 

Longing. 

 

3.

 

A week after the personal tour with the Tellerians, Spock found his captain sitting alone on the observational deck, facing the view through the glass. 

It was late at night, already 02.00, and most of the crew members not on shift would already have retired to bed, but Spock had urgent documents that needed the captain's endorsement. 

In the turbolift, Spock had estimated that there was a seventy two point three percent chance that the captain would not be in his quarters. Captaincy was a busy affair, and the captain usually slept mere hours. Even in his free time, the captain rarely retreated to his quarters, preferring to survey the different parts of the Enterprise, often conversing with various crew members. 

And there was of course the habit of looking at the view the observational deck offered, which Spock had taken note of. Therefore, he was not surprised to see the captain sitting there. 

Spock did not approach him immediately, despite knowing that the documents deserved immediate attention. 

There was a part of Spock that liked to see the captain's silhouette; from the confident posture to the steady blue eyes, responsible towards his work and crew. Spock could remember a time when he had been sprawling and disrespectful to every and any superior figure. Looking at Jim now felt like a reflection of how much he -how all of them- had grown. 

When he walked closer, Spock saw that the captain was deep in thought, the silent man and the loudly quiet and awe-invoking view beyond weaving together a harmonizing masterpiece of which Spock was the sole interloper. 

It was illogical, but Spock had the sudden urge to move away quietly and leave the captain to ponder his thoughts alone. 

Then the moment passed, and Spock coughed pointedly. 

The captain did a full body jerk, before turning his face to Spock. His expression was almost comical, as Jim himself would probably put it. "Spock," He laughed, the sound breaking the almost tense ever-present silence in the observational deck. "You startled me." 

The documents could wait for a while more. The captain looked... Upset. There was something sentimental in his blue eyes. As First Officer, Spock would be remiss in his duties of he did not rectify the problem. 

There was also the fact that Jim was his friend. And Spock was concerned for him on a more personal plane, too, although that concept was much harder to grasp clearly because such connections defied custom labels. 

"Jim." Spock said, using the captain's first name, a rare occurrence. 

That got the captain's attention. "Spock?" He straightened, blue eyes instantly alert, ready to assume responsibility as captain. All traces of personal sentiment disappeared. 

"No, Captain. All is well. I merely wished to enquire after your thoughts. You seemed... Lost. I apologize if I have caused an interruption." It was not Spock's usual style to not mention his official duty -in this case the documents to be delivered- but he decided that there could be exceptions. 

"No, it's fine, Spock." The captain suddenly looked tired, his entire frame caving in. He looked at least a decade younger. When he looked up at Spock, there was something hollow in his eyes. "I just..." 

He didn't say anything, but suddenly Spock understood. He remembered the look Jim had given Doctor McCoy, the way he had touched his arm. 

"Doctor McCoy is a stellar individual," Spock said, and watched as Jim's face transformed in shock. Spock did not always agree with the doctor -in fact, most of their conversations ended exasperatingly- but that much was true and Spock would never deny him the credit he deserved. 

"You know," Jim said slowly, his face still slack with shock. Spock nodded, feeling that it was unnecessary to make further comments. 

Jim's face fell again, his eyes downcast. "Then you should know too that Bones doesn't return them. These... Feelings that I have." His voice held a frustrated strain near the end. 

Spock raised an eyebrow. "You do not know that for certain, Jim." He said, sure of the fact. He knew that his captain would not risk jeopardizing his friendship with Doctor McCoy for anything. 

The captain turned back towards the view, silently admitting to Spock's words. For a while they stood there, a Starfleet Captain and his First Officer, looking over the galaxy but their thoughts directed elsewhere. 

The pause was long enough -10.46 minutes to be precise- for Spock to begin to explain his original purpose of going to the observational deck, but the captain spoke before him. 

"Spock... Do you think that I should tell him?" Jim's voice was soft, but this time the tone wasn't reverent, but indecisive, and with even a tinge of fear. 

This was a personal matter, different from the many official tasks which the captain would argue and consult with Spock for. It was a becoming a more common occurrence these days, Jim asking for Spock's opinions on matters that were not within the boundaries of their work. 

Spock did not mind, in fact rather enjoyed the fact that his captain valued his opinions and trusted him enough to impart knowledge on personal topics. But the captain had never mentioned this particular topic to even Spock, much like he had never enquired about his personal life with Nyota beyond the bounds of mere formality. 

For a moment, Spock was tempted to keep his silence. He did not wish to jeopardize his relationship with his captain because of carelessly given advice about a subject he did not excel at. 

But looking at his captain -no, Jim- Spock felt that he could not refuse. Jim's face was haggard with more than tiredness caused by his exhausting schedule; more of something that mirrored Spock's own when he had struggled with his illogical feelings towards the then Cadet Uhura. 

"When I first... Developed feelings for Lieutenant Uhura, I was confused and even angry at myself, Jim. But when I realized that she returned those feelings, the... Relief I felt, it was worth all of my previous frustration." Spock had trouble describing the feeling exactly, for it had never succumbed to being categorized, even after multiple tries. 

Jim looked vaguely amused by his explanation, but Spock could not find it in himself to feel offended by the expression. "I know, but I don't think the possibility could ever be worth risking our friendship. We'll always be friends first, Spock." He said, more seriously. 

Spock understood. Even though what had transpired between himself and Nyota before their relationship could hardly have been considered as simply friendship, especially between a lecturer and a cadet, both of them had hesitated to advance their relationship. 

"Even so, my advice would be to reveal your feelings to Doctor McCoy, if only in your own time." Spock said, the same way he would have advised his captain to carry out a work-related procedure. 

He concluded that he had done the correct thing when Jim smiled gratefully up at him. "Thank you, Spock. I'll take your advice in mind," He said, and it seemed to Spock that he had made some sort of decision. 

Afterwards, before Spock stepped out through the automatic glass doors with the signed documents, he glanced back one last time to see his captain. Jim had turned back to the view, but even from the distance Spock could see the distinct change in the way he held himself. 

Yes, it was affirmative that the captain would be carrying out some sort of action regarding his relationship with Doctor McCoy. While Spock did not believe in luck, he wished his captain all the best in his endeavor. 

 

4.

 

The captain was pacing restlessly about the observational deck, no eyes for the view at the moment. As Spock watched, the captain ran a frustrated hand through his blond locks, muttering curses under his breath. Spock raised an eyebrow at the ineloquent words that he could hear in the quiet of the observational deck. 

There was a reason for the captain's irrational behavior, even if Spock did not wholly approve of it. The captain had informed the doctor of his affections for him, and the reaction he had received was not anticipated. 

"He just left, Spock! Bones just gave me that look and left! What am I supposed to think? Fuck, I screwed up, didn't I!" The captain ranted again, for the eighth time since Spock had joined him on the deck. Spock resisted the urge to repeat that it was illogical to reiterate something in hopes that it would rectify the situation. 

If Spock were to be honest to himself, he did not know what to make of the situation either. 

By this stage in their five year mission, Spock knew Doctor McCoy well enough, both as a friend and a colleague. He had, as subtly and uninterfering as he could, tried to test the waters about his feelings towards the captain. It had not worked out as well as Spock would have liked, but Spock knew to some extent that the doctor had strong emotional attachments to the captain as well, although not exactly how strong. The doctor might prefer to mask his feelings with his gruff and sarcastic exterior, but Spock knew that the CMO genuinely cared a lot about their captain. 

But Spock neither knew how exactly the captain had approached the conversation, nor indeed what the captain had even said to the doctor, despite the obvious content. The captain also refused to elaborate on the doctor's reaction other than the repeated fact that he had left soon after. 

Nevertheless, Spock tried his best to console his captain and friend. "Jim, I am certain that the doctor will tell you about his feelings regarding the matter soon." 

Jim's eyes widened. "But that's precisely what I'm afraid of!" The captain protested. "What if he... What if Bones freaks out? What if he doesn't want to see me anymore?" As the captain grew more and more flustered, Spock could clearly see the direction his thoughts had taken. 

Spock knew that the doctor had initially been reluctant to even pursue a career in the actual depths of space, and it had only been at the captain's urge that he had finally agreed. He assumed that the captain now feared that the doctor would leave his post on the Enterprise. While it was a logical deduction, Spock thought that it was rather a too far stretch given the current circumstances. 

"Jim, it is highly unlikely that the doctor will make that decision in such a short time frame. I advise that we should wait for the doctor to reply-" 

Jim whipped around, his expression one of pure agony. "Spock, I can't stand it! How does anyone go through this?" He cut in, his voice laced plainly with worry and pain. 

Spock was almost amused by the captain's predicament. He would never have considered that Captain James Kirk, a notorious playboy when in the Academy, would be so tormented by his affections for his best friend. Apparently, Spock mused, Jim was not as experienced in dealing with permanent relationships as he had predicted. 

Jim gave Spock an indignant look. "Spock!" He admonished, looking close to tears with worry himself. 

Finally, Spock relented. Since the captain had showed so much raw emotion, Spock decided that it would only be fair of him to share his own experience. 

"Nyota and I..." Involuntarily, his voice had softened fractionally, as it always did when he mentioned Nyota. "We always knew, on a certain degree. It was illogical, but I felt some sort of physical anxiety when I confessed." 

It had been much worse than that, Spock reflected, reminiscing. He had finally revealed his feelings after an exceptionally charged encounter, only the latest of a series of meetings. Nyota had uncharacteristically lost her cool head and stormed out of the room, when exasperation had turned into anger. 

Spock had rashly grabbed her arm, his only intention to stop her from leaving, but Nyota had reacted badly. She had lashed out almost violently, and Spock had nearly broke her arm; so unexpected and sudden her reaction had been. 

It was there, in front of Nyota's enraged face -still beautiful, even wrathful- that Spock had found himself at the predisposition to confess his feelings, which he was confident were the root of their argument. 

"I believe that I have been emotionally compromised by my feelings for you, Nyota," He had confessed, and the utterly gobsmacked look on her face had given Spock the ridiculous urge to laugh. 

Then she had kissed him, and Spock had illogically, stupidly forgot every other thing. 

Looking back at his captain, Spock saw that Jim was staring at his face with a curious expression. Spock coughed delicately, suddenly aware that his cheeks must be green. 

He was about the say something when the clear glass doors slid open with a soft sound. Jim's attention was immediately riveted by the person who stepped through, and Spock knew without turning around that it had to be Doctor McCoy. 

The doctor looked disheveled, his usually neatly combed hair sticking up in places, some strands sticking to his face wetly as if he had dunked his entire head into a basinful of water. A quick scan of his own brain told Spock that the doctor was currently off duty, but he couldn't retain his disapproval of a high-ranking officer walking around unkempt. 

The doctor, however, barely acknowledged Spock's presence, staring directly at his captain, his face torn between uncertainty and determination. Jim was looking straight at Doctor McCoy, too, and his expression was one of painful acceptance and anticipation. 

Spock looked at the two humans exhibiting seemingly hypocritical emotions, and walked out without a backward glance. As he walked further away from the closing automatic doors of the observational deck, Spock heard the start of a conversation before the doors slid shut, sealing the captain and the doctor in privacy. 

The doctor might call him insensitive, but Spock knew when a situation required privacy. 

 

5.

 

"Where are we going, Spock?" Nyota's voice was slightly amused, and Spock understood why. 

They were on a starship, so the places where they could go were limited, especially if they wanted privacy. Still, Spock could hear from her tone that she was happy that he had invited her out. 

As high-ranking officials of the Enterprise, Spock and Nyota had separate quarters to themselves. The standard-issue beds were a tight fit for two, and Nyota disliked sleeping over in Spock's rooms, or vice-versa. She thought that it would make them look unprofessional, and Spock understood and shared that sentiment. 

So they spent most of their free time on the Enterprise either moving back to their rooms after or in some other quiet part of the starship. Most of the nooks and crannies of the Enterprise had been frequented by Spock and Nyota, but...

Stepping out of the turbolift, Nyota gave a soft gasp when she realized that it was the level of the observational deck. It was one place Spock had never considered to be private, being free to access by anyone, from the highest captain to the lowest ensign, but the times he had seen the captain alone there had changed that mindset. 

Nyota slipped her hand into Spock's larger one, and even after all those years, Spock still had to still a slight shudder at the contact he had never thought he would get. Sometimes Spock looked at Nyota and thought, illogically, despite knowing how much love she held for him, that he didn't deserve someone as beautiful and smart as she was. 

Illogically, Spock held her hand tighter. 

However, as they approached the observational deck together, Spock soon saw that it was not empty. In fact, there were two people on it. 

Through the clear glass door, Spock could see the two men facing the view of the galaxy. Their hands were laced together, held by their sides in full view, their heads leaning against each other. It was obvious who they were: the mopful of dark hair and the headful of blond locks. 

The soundproof doors sealed any conversation behind them, but Spock knew what they would be talking about. 

The captain turned towards Doctor McCoy, his mouth moving to shape words, smiling. Doctor McCoy turned after a while, and kissed his captain, his eyes closed in perfect bliss, his usual grimace gone. 

Jim looked happy. No, better than that. Jim looked serene, his face smoothed out, making him seem 10.67 years younger than Spock knew he actually was. He raised a hand to grip the doctor's hair, clutching at the dark locks. 

Spock looked away, feeling as though he had walked in on something exceedingly private. On the occasional shore leave, Spock had had the unfortunate experience of walking in on his captain engaging in fornication, and all of those occasions had struck Spock as less intimate. 

And Doctor McCoy... In all his years as the CMO's colleague, Spock had never once seen the doctor being affectionate with anyone. The closest shows of affection Spock had seen the doctor display had all been within the boundaries of respect and friendship. 

There was something tender in the kiss, something that stirred a feeling in Spock's heart. 

As if reading his mind, Nyota squeezed Spock's hand. Spock turned towards her. Brown eyes smiled gently up at him. She was as beautiful as she had grown to be in Spock's mind, as she would always be thereafter. 

Spock kissed her.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


End file.
